Family Matters

By Sara:

My friend Jane and I have had several opportunities to do ministry together, teaching about basic counseling skills, growing relationships in families, and dealing with conflict.  One of Jane's friends and mentor, Phoebe, who is a retired women's leader, invited us to share with children in her church.  We got the invitation too late and already had plans for that day, but discussed how we could make it work in the future.  Jane and I thought it would be helpful to talk to parents first so parents can share their challenges and learn ways to raise their children well.  So Phoebe invited us over to her house, along with the pastor and youth leader, to see if this sounded like a good plan for the church.

After we shared our ideas to the group, the pastor and youth leader said it sounded good, but could we answer some questions for them?  One shared about how he heads to church before his wife and children and when he gets home, discovers they never followed him to church.  She says she had other work she had to get done and didn't have time to attend church.  He wondered what he could do.

The other asked how to have daily times of family prayer - what if people are too tired after dinner because they ate so late?  What if it is hard to get some people up early in the morning? 

And they asked advice for themselves, the church leaders, as they counsel others: how do you answer someone whose spouse is not contributing at all to pay school fees for the children?  Why do women no longer open up to their husbands after they've been married for a few years?  Why are all men like ______?  Why are all women like ______?

Phoebe gave a really great response from her years of ministry.  She said whenever she is with women, the women complain that men are all bad.  And when she is with men, the men complain that women are all bad.  But, she said when she hears these complaints, she thinks to herself that the complainers are not looking at themselves first.  She brought up Jesus' parable of taking the log out of your eye before trying to take the speck out of someone else's eye.

We spent about three hours discussing different family challenges they had, asking our own questions, sharing testimonies and advice.  When it was 6pm and we needed to go, we resolved that before we do anything with the church, there needs to be a day for the church leaders to meet and discuss their own challenges.  Sometimes church leaders don't get the support and counseling they need because they feel like they have no one to turn to.  We've seen that it is an important need for such people to be heard and cared for as they also care for others.