Bishops Marriage Conference

By Anthony and Sara:

Thanks to everyone who gave financially to make this marriage conference possible and who have been praying for us and for the bishops and their wives!  It was a great success and the bishops and their wives are so grateful for the opportunity you gave them to rest and learn together. It is pretty normal for bishops to get to spend time at workshops at nice hotels, especially for programs put on by development partners, but it is rare for them ever to have an event that is directly for them and about them, and rare for it to be an event that includes their wives. It opened up space and time for them to talk intimately as couples and work on issues in their families.

Bishop Robert Olupot and his wife Christine share with you all - "We want to extend our sincerest gratitude as couples for the opportunity to participate in this bishops conference program organised by Resonate Global Mission through Rev. Anthony and Sarai. Insight and knowledge were gained on practical ways or steps of selfcare a minister should practice to maintain positive mental health and building physical and emotional intimacy as a couple, and many other topics handled. These were truly enlightening. Thank you once again for organising such a beneficial program."

Our Resonate colleague, Stephen Omoko, invited one of his professors from Pan Africa Christian University (in Nairobi), Dr. Arthur Shikanda, to facilitate the conference.  He teaches psychology and also has experience as a pastor.  He was a great facilitator and made the sessions very interactive and interesting for the group.

Some of the topics for the conference were: preparing for retirement; mental health; creating boundaries between work and home; the importance of exercise, nutrition, and sleep; sex within marriage; and how to create family quality time.

Boundaries are a huge issue. So many people in the community come to a bishop's home to receive support, whether they are looking for a financial handout, or a meal, or a place to stay while visiting that town. This puts a lot of pressure on the whole family of the Bishop to be constantly ministering to people's needs and showing hospitality. Bishops also leave their phones on all night long. Christians call on them for a load of reasons and it disrupts their sleep seriously. One bishop shared about a person calling him in the middle of the night because that person's home was being robbed, so the bishop would call the security personnel in the area on his congregant's behalf. There is expectation that the bishop should do everything, and in the church culture, it makes it hard for the bishop to delegate responsibilities to others.

Consider that a bishop might have 200 churches they are overseeing, each with 100 adults. Now, imagine the stress that comes when any of those 20,000 people want the bishop himself at any burial or wedding, of their own, or one of their relatives. Of course these bishops have to say "No" a lot, but it is difficult. There is a lot of expectation. People want the bishop to grace their occasion, not just any pastor.

When teaching about mental health, Dr. Shikanda gave everyone a depression test (using Beck's depression inventory). He also generously offered follow-up therapy over zoom for anyone who needed it before he will refer them to others.

Sara did a short art exercise for the couples, teaching them how to draw a face, and then guiding them through drawing their spouse.  The instruction probably could have been done better (she learned from the experience how to improve this lesson...), but the results were pretty entertaining!  At the very least, it led to fun and laughter for the couples.

At the end of the conference, on the way home, the group organized a tour of Busoga Farmers Resource Farm, an organic farm started by a pastor who offers educational tours. They really appreciated the farm tour as it gave them some agricultural ideas for business projects to do at home to prepare for their retirement. It also gave them practical ideas for helping the pastors and Christians they lead.

Below: "Growing your own food is like printing your own money" 

Here are a few of their testimonies:

One couple says - "This has been an eye-opener on some gray areas especially in understanding the needs of church leaders. I will take this home and implement."

A wife shares - "I am very excited about this learning. God worked out a miracle for me. For the last 28 years of marriage, starting from the time after wedding, this was the first session I got to learn and discuss and be part of such a seminar. Most years marriage seminars at home are organised and he (her husband the bishop) is busy translating and organising while I am alone."

Another couple says - "We were able to make powerful reconciliation and our intimacy has improved."

Another - "I really appreciate Anthony and Sara for your initiative in this retreat. Just know we are not going to remain the same way we came. Certain challenges that looked big were answered. I pray this be a beginning but should carry on. Thanks."

Another - "This conference is just an eye opener for us. We should have another conference of this kind."

Another - "The conference was all about me. I thank God. God bless you richly."

After the conference, one bishop is taking the ideas he learned and is already organizing over 100 of his church leaders for a marriage conference that he will host. He is also planning to take them for a tour of the same farm the bishops visited. We are really encouraged by this.